Graduation

The search continued the next day. My father wanted for me to attend a ceremony for students in CALS who had completed honors thesis projects. I adamantly refused and argued with him until he let me go back to the lake. I knew he was disappointed but I could not justify celebrating my own achievements when my best friend was missing.

I got to the west shore and waited to board the sonar boat that was about to go out. We got on from the dock by O'Malley's restaurant. While on the boat Chris's girlfriend told me with a tear-ridden face that the last time they hung out in April he had told her how much I meant to him and what a good friend I was. Her words drew tears from me instantly and I hugged her firmly. I had never had a friend who valued me as much as Chris had and it meant the world to me that she had told me that.

I walked to the edge of the boat and looked intently out at the water. The dreary weather reflected my mood well as I stood at the edge of the boat exposed to the rain, wind and relentless splashes of the cold lakewater. Despite my misery I looked hard into the distance for any sign of a body floating. Eventually a wave hit me straight on and drenched me to the point where I had to retreat to shelter underneath. Once inside I watched the sonar screen desperately. Nothing but fish were detected.

Almost immediately after we got to shore a message from the text-serve informed us of an unidentified floating object that had been detected from shore. Immediately we reboarded and travelled north once more to the location where it was spotted. Both Chris's girlfriend and I stood pressed along the rail at the front of the boat to see what it was. As we approached the object I held my breath in fear, unprepared for what trauma might lie in front of me. As we confirmed that the object was not a body I felt a mixture of both relief and disappointment. To find Chris alive would be a miracle, but realistically I knew he would be dead if we found him at all.

That evening the rest of my family arrived but I was not in a state to see any of them. I slept on Chris's trampoline yet again.

The following day was convocation, which I reluctantly attended out of significant pressure from my father. The speaker was Cory Booker, mayor of Newark, New Jersey. I was too lost in my thoughts to follow the majority of his speech but towards the end his inspiring words caught me and I realized that the best way I could commemorate Chris would be to film a documentary about him. This revelation lent me a flicker of excitement and I could hardly wait to start.

As soon as convocation ended I told my dad about my plan and asked to go back to the lake. So we went to the west shore with my dad, aunt and uncle. My dad was displeased with my decision and I was becoming fed up with his ploys to get me to celebrate my graduation weekend. As soon as I got to lake I walked south and told the others to walk north. I breathed a sigh of relief at being on my own to film and search for Chris.

Then came graduation day. I had been so excited when Chris said he was graduating a year early despite the fact that he took a year off to go to Haiti. I was so looking forward to walking with him which made walking without him all the more unbearable. The shoes I wore were far too small and they skinned the backs of my ankles until they oozed. I could have gone barefoot but I welcomed the physical pain in the hope that it would distract from the excrutiating emotional pain, but it didn't. When President Skorton asked for a moment of silence to honor Chris Tingfung Dennis I felt a huge pang of emptiness and despair. I was ashamed to be graduating without my best friend at my side.

Once convocation concluded I went to pick up my diploma on the Ag Quad. I then attended the communications ceremony to pick up Chris's diploma since his family was still searching and Chris's girlfriend was running late. I waited as they named the diploma recipients in alphabetical order and walked down below the stage when they read Chris's name. They looked at me with a judging gaze and asked if my name was ****** (his brother's name). I said I wasn't, I was just a friend. They gave it to me reluctantly and I went back to my seat feeling guilty. After the ceremony my communications professor approached me and hugged me apologetically, letting me know that it was fine that I had received the diploma but that they were just unprepared. She then gave me several bouquets of flowers to give to his family. I thanked her profusely and went back to the Ag Quad.

I met up with Chris's girlfriend and gave her the envelope with the diploma and the flower bouquets. It felt as though as I had just given her the most ironic of birthday presents, a token of her dead boyfriend's achievements. She opened it and I saw a faint smile cross her face but it quickly faded.

Later on we did in fact celebrate her birthday. None of us had time to bake a cake so a few of us snuck off to Wegman's to buy one while ***** kept her distracted. We got back and tried hurriedly to make a card with a picture of her and Chris on the center, but the printer didn't work. So we just passed the card around for friends to sign and awaited her return to our apartment.

When she arrived we all shouted "Happy Birthday" and once more I saw her mood lighten. She truly was surprised that we had come together to celebrate her birthday despite this horrible grief. I was glad that she could find some enjoyment but was overwhelmed by all the cheerful faces and chattiness. I forged happiness for Chris's girlfriend's sake since she more than anyone deserved to feel loved and cared for.