We returned from the search at what must have been 2 in the morning. I did not return home but just sat in a chair at 660 feeling miserable and empty. I had not eaten at all that day but I had no appetite and I knew that sleep wouldn't come. I called my dad on his cell at 4:30 in the morning and sure enough he was still awake as well. He assured me he was to leave at 6 the following morning so he would get to Ithaca by noon. There was nothing else to say. After hanging up I went outside to lay on Chris's trampoline that a few of his high school friends and I had helped him to set up half a week ago. The joy that trampoline brought him was incredible and the extreme flips he performed on it were an amazing spectacle to behold. He gained height so effortlessly and landed so gracefully that he could have easily been a Cirque du Soleil performer.
I lay awake on the trampoline watching the stars and longing for Chris to show up in the dead of night to lay by my side. I was broken in so many ways and more alone than I had ever felt in my life. It was as if a force had sucked out my soul but had mercilessly spared my life. I wished more than anything that Chris had woken me up so that I could have drowned with him or in place of him. I would have given my life to save him if I'd had the chance.
The following morning the search began at 8 am. This time there were over 150 people at Sheldrake point and many more on their way. Again I felt as though the west shore was being vastly overemphasized and insisted that more people follow me to the east shore. I managed to get six carloads of people in addition to my own to caravan behind me on our way to the other side.
On my way there I got at least four texts from volunteers asking where to go and a phone call from Chris's cousin in Singapore asking for updates. I directed people as best as I could and had one of my passengers text back as I drove. As soon as we got to the site I set up a group textserve with the numbers of each of the predetermined point people from each car. As we started our transect I was relieved when *****'s dad called and asked me if I'd board his motorboat to direct him to the relative location where the canoe was found.
I felt much more at ease once in the water. The limits of the shoreline no longer impeded my ability to search. After half an hour on the water *****'s dad docked at O'Malley's to wait for kayakers whom he intended to escort across the lake. I went to wait at the restaurant but still could not bring myself to eat anything. Once the kayakers were ready we reboarded the motorboat and headed back to the east shore. Once there I swapped with one of the kayakers into the same orange kayak that I had used to search for Chris the previous day. And so I paddled along with *****'s brother and another friend of Chris to scan the shoreline and the underside of every dock we passed until we made it to the power plant. From there we kayaked back to the west shore to the lakehouse property.
Once we got back I caught a ride with ***** to 660. Chris's dog Luca was there looking lost and confused. It was as if he questioned why we had come back without Chris. I sat clutching him on the couch for awhile before taking him out on a walk. The weather was appropriately bleak and though it was not raining I could feel the grim clouds emulating my emotions. Luca and I circled west campus before heading to my apartment at sage place. Chris's girlfriend was there and I hugged her without saying a word. I was glad to have Luca with me but I knew I had to take him back to his family since they were back in town. So I walked him back to 660 to get my car and drive him the rest of the way to Chris's house where I met up with his dad. He hugged me and thanked me for taking care of Luca but words still evaded me. "I'm afraid that Ithaca has lost a very special young man" he said and I nodded in absolute agreement.
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